Tuesday, July 27, 2010

This all seems so familiar...


So here we are, 12dpo, and nothing but negatives. Using FRER's and everything - not a hint of that elusive second pink line.

I'm pretty much crushed. I had thrust so much hope into this cycle I'm practically crumbling under the weight of it all. I know that once Thursday's beta comes and the result is what I've heard time and time again it's going to be funk city, population me, for a good, long time.

And just when I thought things were going to be different. I actually woke up on the night of 8dpo and was sick to my stomach. Not usually something you'd celebrate, but since no one else was sick and everyone else ate the exact same thing as me (we'd been at a wedding) I, sadly, took it as 'a sign'. And the hope balloon inflated a little bit more.

When it was negative at 10dpo I was okay. I knew it was early and there was still a chance. But when it was negative at 11dpo I burst into tears. I've just been there so many times before, ya know? And the feelings all came rushing back to me, so vividly. And it's all I can do to keep myself together at work.

Fuck.

So there's my sorry little update. I wish, more than anything else on this planet, that I had better news. But alas, twas apparently not now nor ever, meant to be.

11 comments:

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry.

merium on July 27, 2010 at 11:21 AM said...

So sorry to hear this news~thinking of you...

Anonymous said...

I am so, so sorry. I had all of my digits crossed for you.

JennD said...

I'm so very sorry. I hope like hell you are having a late implanter. hugs Jenn

Sarah said...

:( Still hoping that maybe you have a late implanter as JennD said. Holding on to all hope.
*hugs*

Janny A. on July 27, 2010 at 8:38 PM said...

Lots of hugs dear... I'm so sad to read this. I'll be thinking of you guys xo

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry, S. (hugs) xoxo.

Anonymous said...

My heart is breaking for you. :( I'm so sorry.
Adriana

Kate on July 28, 2010 at 2:38 PM said...

Damn, I hope the FRER is wrong. Good luck with the beta.

Anonymous said...

I so wish I knew what to say... I'm so sorry. (Sher)

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you...Tina

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