This all seems so familiar...

So here we are, 12dpo, and nothing but negatives. Using FRER's and everything - not a hint of that elusive second pink line.

I'm pretty much crushed. I had thrust so much hope into this cycle I'm practically crumbling under the weight of it all. I know that once Thursday's beta comes and the result is what I've heard time and time again it's going to be funk city, population me, for a good, long time.

And just when I thought things were going to be different. I actually woke up on the night of 8dpo and was sick to my stomach. Not usually something you'd celebrate, but since no one else was sick and everyone else ate the exact same thing as me (we'd been at a wedding) I, sadly, took it as 'a sign'. And the hope balloon inflated a little bit more.

When it was negative at 10dpo I was okay. I knew it was early and there was still a chance. But when it was negative at 11dpo I burst into tears. I've just been there so many times before, ya know? And the feelings all came rushing back to me, so vividly. And it's all I can do to keep myself together at work.

Fuck.

So there's my sorry little update. I wish, more than anything else on this planet, that I had better news. But alas, twas apparently not now nor ever, meant to be.