Ten days is a long time

I'd forgotten just how long ten days can be.

When you're doing IVF, you can usually do a home test about a week after transfer. So things get broken up and while you're waiting just as long, you can trick yourself into believing otherwise.

Not so with an IUI. It's still ten days after the procedure that you can pee on something with any degree of reliability. Oh sure, I could pee now and probably get a positive since it's been 6 days since the trigger shot but it would be just that - the trigger, and nothing real. So I'll hold off for those ten days and decide what I want to do from there.

I know I've said this before, but the first week is full of promise and hope. You can't test anyway, so you don't fret it. Things are possible, man! This actually might work! And this time it's no exception.

Now that the UTI finally cleared and the insane bloat/pressure feeling that hung around until Sunday is gone, the only reminder that I'm even in this game is the daily progesterone shots. Which, I will say, are torture this time around.

This is cycle number five of progesterone in oil shots. They get jabbed into the muscle of your upper butt (for lack of a better description) - and they hurt. 'Cause guess what? Oil ain't thin. I can feel it all squeezing in. And it's not fun.

I feel like I have scar tissue from all the cycles before this one and yeouch - it's hurt before, but never this badly. I know I shouldn't complain because this could be the last piece of the puzzle that gets us to our heretofore elusive happy ending - an actual baby - but for right now it's, literally, a pain in the ass.

That's about it for now. I'm trying to remain calm, happy to be feeling better overall, and am trying to tell myself that it's okay to be hopeful. That this time it actually might be different. That Hubs' insanely positive feelings about this cycle might be worth something. That this is finally the end of the road for us - for the best possible reason.

And now we wait

IUI number two is also on the books. Now, we just wait. Two weeks, and we'll know whether it all worked.

Numbers seem to be doing what they're supposed to. E2 dropped a bit to 5,500 which is expected, LH is only 4 which would mean I've surged, and progesterone rose from 7 to 17 which is also a good indication of ovulation. All good.

Today saw 20 million spermies at 98% motility injected to the left side of my uterus to join their 24 hour old counterparts of yesterday. 80 million sperm, 7 eggs. Here's hoping just one finds one and makes magic.

Hubs and I grabbed some lunch after the IUI then headed back out towards home. I started feeling quite crampy mid afternoon, and the continued feeling of needing to pee that I've been dealing with for the past few days has only intensified. Add to the fact that I believe I've now got blood in my urine (no fun to wipe and see pink!!) and I'm pretty sure I've got a UTI.

Fuck.

Not fair, just not fair!

As if the cramping wasn't bad enough (not complaining though - if it means something's happening I'm all for it!) now the constant need to pee with almost no relief is killer! Bah.

I've emailed Dr. H to see if he could call something in for me on the advice of a friend who's a GP so now, more waiting! Hopefully he'll be able to help me out tonight but if not I'll be off to the doctor tomorrow. Not sure how as hubs is working from 8-8, but I'll figure that out tomorrow.

Now I just need to sleep and take it easy and hopefully start to feel all around better!

Thanks again for all the support over the past few weeks. I'll be holding off until at least 10dpo to test so I'm going to try to enjoy this 'everything is possible' feeling for as long as I can. :)

One down...

...60 million on the go!

So yes, IUI number one is officially on the books. E2 was a lovely 5663 and my LH was 14. Can you believe that? And this was all pre-trigger, not that it impacts LH, but still. I was a happy girl this morning. Looking forward to seeing what tomorrow's numbers are, just for fun.

Had a great night out last night with the gals. It was wonderful as always to see Janny and meet her hubby and we had a great meal at Big Daddy's. Then it was off to see Miss Saigon, the one show left on my Broadway bucket list. It meant a late night and some scrambling to get my drugs in once I got home at 11:20, but it all worked out.

Of course as tired as I was I couldn't sleep, and we had to get up at 5am in an effort to beat the traffic in.

Awesome.

So yeah, I'm really quite tired today.

I had my u/s and blood work, Hubs did his thing, I took my trigger shot at the clinic, and then we had a quick breakfast together before he dropped me off at work. Four short hours I was back at the clinic, bladder bursting, waiting for it all to go down.

Oy my bladder. I love that they do ultrasound guided IUI's - 'tis very cool to see the rush of white across the ultrasound screen as they're all let go. I exclaimed 'release the hounds!' as they streamed towards the left. And yes, the catheter was pointed exclusively to the left as nothing ever developed on the right. And then it was over.

Dr. H and I chatted a bit and we're both very happy with how the cycle has gone over all. We got the results we were hoping for, and he's expecting 7 mature eggs from this cycle - exactly what I got from my last IVF.

He now suspects very strongly that I also have endometriosis to contend with because there's no real reason for my right, my dominant ovary, to not respond. He thinks the blood supply is choked off by endo. He also thinks it might be the reason my left ovary is so high - scar tissue pushing it up out of the way. So there's obviously much more to my issues than just the PCOS thing. But here's hoping that's all moot in a few weeks.

So there we go! One more meeting from 3-4 to get through, then I get to go home and rest. Back for IUI number two tomorrow - another 5am morning for blood work and ultrasound and sample giving. Hubs is going to hang around downtown for those few hours while I go to a team meeting at work, then pick me up for 11. We'll make our way to the clinic so he can actually be with me for at least one actual insemination, then we'll head home together and I'll take that afternoon and Friday off to just relax, sleep, and hopefully create a comfy place for a guest or two.

The time has come! Or is coming, anyway...

It's almost trigger time....wooooohooooo!!!!

E2 up to 4849, which is a full 1500 more than this day last cycle. Hells to the yeah baby, I think we've finally found something that actually works for me. No suppression and my body starts to respond.

And what's crazier? My LH is 11 today. 11! Naturally! This may not seem like a big deal but to me it's INSANE! My LH has never gone above 4 without a trigger shot, so it's great to see that finally this bod has figured things out a bit more. I assume that the LH in the Bravelle has something to do with it but who cares! I'll take it, any way it comes.

So. More stims tonight. Same dosage, 300 Gonal F (so thanks again Kate - first T&F's Gonal saved me a fortune, now yours since we're stimming for much longer than even I thought possible!) and 150 Bravelle. Then I'm to trigger tomorrow morning while at the clinic, waiting for hubs to do his thing. Then we'll do the IUI tomorrow and Thursday which is great, 'cause those are Hubs' two days off this week. Much better than him having to race in and out, just to show up for work late and be stressed the whole time. Relief.

Only wrinkle is that I'm going to see Miss Saigon tonight. Yes, I realize that's a strange wrinkle, but I'm going to be in a theatre downtown tonight. Right at the very time that I'm supposed to take my drugs. And guess where my drugs are?

Yep, 60kms away, in my fridge.

D'oh.

Once I realized this I called the nurse back right away. She isn't overly concerned - it'll likely only be two hours later than usual and since everything is nicely on track it shouldn't really harm anything. Phew! Otherwise can you imagine? Hubs was going to have to pick them up at home once he finished his 12 hour day at 8pm, then drive them downtown for me and I'd have to run out of the show to get them. How messed up would that have been?

Fortunately it's all moot now, and I'll just shoot up when I get home. As the nurse said, 'just don't stand around and chat when it's over and you should be okay.' Hehe. Got it.

So we're in the home stretch. Now I can just relax a bit, enjoy my yummy dinner out with friends, a musical I've been waiting decades to see, and know that it's all over but the inseminating.

Let's just hope this is finally it!

My first 'woot' this cycle

Things appear to be looking up a bit.

So, yesterday's E2 numbers were 2203. A 1,000 jump from Friday to Sunday. Not stellar, but at least progress in the right direction.

And then, magically, today things got even better. An overnight jump of over 1,100 - we're at 3,319 today. Oh yeah. Sweet relief.

What makes me feel even better is that this is officially a higher number than the similar day of our last IVF cycle - and that number was in service of a much greater quantity of follicles (17 then versus 9 now). Which leads me to believe that these eggs will be of better quality, thus leading to increased chances for success.

So yeah. Today I woot.

My LH has creeped up to 6. Har. A huge whopping 6. That's the highest I've ever seen it go naturally. I set a new record today! But we're holding on, keeping orgalutran out of the picture, and stimming for another night, all of us confident in the fact that I'm not going to spontaneously ovulate without the suppression. Besides, I'm pretty sure this is the one thing that's keeping my estrogen climbing, not throwing in a suppressant, so I'm all for it.

Dr. H did mention that my lead follicle will likely start breaking down because it's just too big now, and that's okay - there are still lots to work with. That might cause my E2 to dip a bit, so he warned me in advance that's what might happen and that I shouldn't freak out. ;) So I guess we shall see!

Trigger will either be tomorrow night or Wednesday I'd think, but he's not making any promises - this really is a day by day situation now. And I'm okay with that.

He also asked for information on how things went off the rails yesterday because he wants to give the doctor some feedback. Good. That was not cool!

As a total aside, the ultrasounds are getting quite uncomfortable these days, I must say. My left ovary is high so they really have to poke and press - good times. But what I can't stand, what makes it worse than it really needs to be, is when somehow one solitary hair gets pulled the wrong way and is dragged along with the probe, tugging on some seriously sensitive skin. And instead of just breaking off or being pulled out it hangs on for dear life to cause you extra waves of discomfort. The poor technician looks at you and asks if you're okay and you have no real choice but to tell her all is well 'cause really, how do you spit out, 'you've snagged a pube' without incident?

You don't. You just don't. So you suffer. And, as always, just wait for it all to be over.

Ah, the hidden gems of infertility. What the fertiles just don't get to experience. Their loss, really.

Communications fail

Not really much to say - I have no new information since Friday.

Buggah.

So yeah, not all that unexpected for yesterday...I had the day off from the clinic and got to sleep in. Twas fabulous. Then I drove into Toronto to pick up Kate's extra Gonal F - total lifesaver - then had a wonderful night in with the girls. We all cleared out around 11 which was good, 'cause I had to be up at 6am to head to the clinic. Goodie.

Down I went - no traffic, which I adored. Got free parking on the street in front, life was good. Ultrasound was mega painful - when everything's all in one ovary, by this time in the cycle that ovary gets quite tender. Yeesh!

Long story short, I ended up speaking with a doctor that was there for the day and she apparently told the nurse that I didn't need a call today - so I didn't get one. Ooooooh boy. Not cool.

I had practically strapped my cell phone to my hand waiting for that call and when 4pm rolled around, I pretty much broke down. No one answers the phone there, of course, so I emailed Dr. H. He thankfully got back to me relatively quickly and explained the mix up, but of course didn't have any numbers. So now I go back in tomorrow and cross my fingers for a nice big jump.

What a pain in the arse. At least the rest of the regular gang are in tomorrow!

Hopefully I'll be back shortly with much more info!

Hangin on

Barely, but we're still in this.

Drove down to the clinic today because I knew I was going to have my endometrial biopsy at some point. Perhaps you can imagine how you might feel after having a wire brush inserted through your cervix, then swirled around your uterus to rough it up a bit, all in the hopes of making implantation that much more effective.

Yeah, good times. White hot pain. Short, but there. Uncomfortable as hell. And certainly not made better by the nasty cooter cam ultrasound that pokes your now very full left ovary time after time after time. And oh yeah, Dr. H also had to use some kind of tongs to reach in and 'hold' my cervix since it wasn't cooperating.

I hurt today. A lot.

For whatever reason, I find that the general discomfort when stimming is much higher now than in has ever been. No clue why, just lucky I guess. And this is with far fewer eggs than I've recruited in the past. For whatever reason, it would appear that my right ovary is bound to remain dormant, and it looks like ALL viable follicles will come from my left side.

No pressure, leftie. Hang in there.

So when all was said and done it was thought best for me to just head straight home and chill. Work was great about it, which I very much appreciate, so I was back in my driveway (after a hair raisingly soggy drive home) by 10:30 or so. Ahhhhh.....

E2 went up to 1206 today. Still not stellar, but at this point, I'll take it. Tonight we add the 150 of bravelle to the 300 of Gonal F, and hope for the best. And then, get this, I get to sleep in tomorrow! No need to go to the clinic. They're not worried that my LH is going to surge, so I'm off the hook for a day. And couldn't be happier.

I will still drive into Toronto tomorrow at some point though to take a fellow Hannam IVFer and blog reader up on her very generous offer. You see, because things are slow to recruit he'd like me to stim for a few more days, and that means I need more Gonal F - which Kate has so kindly agreed to assist with. Yet again I'm nothing short of blown away by the generosity of my virtual friends. As cheesy as it sounds, it's taken a village to bring this cycle to fruition, and I thank you so much Kate for completing what T&F so graciously started where the drugs are concerned.

Dr. H has also decided that he might not go ahead with the orgalutron to suppress me and prevent me from ovulating before it's time because I simply don't surge on my own. Like, never. In all the cycles I've ever done, my LH has never gone above 4 without a trigger shot. And since the org can cause a temporary slowdown of the estrogen production, which I most certainly can't afford right now, we just might actually go through the entire cycle with no suppression. Dr. H said he had a similar situation with another patient who doesn't surge and, well, she's pregnant now.

I like the sound of that. :)

So there's today in a nutshell. Follies and their discomfort increasing, E2 making a slow but steady climb, new drugs to add to the mix, the incredible generosity of others who've been there, and a complete re-jigging of the protocol as we go.

And lookie there, my levels of hope are slowly starting to creep back up as well.

Thanks as always for the great thoughts!