The more things change...

...the more they stay the same.Negative beta today. Not really much more to say than that, is there. Not much of a surprise, as I'm sure you might have surmised from my last post. I knew it was coming, so the phone call was just the final nail in the coffin. Now I wait for them to call and set up a review appointment, and we figure out what, if anything, we can do going forward. This sucks. I was so hopeful that this was finally,...

This all seems so familiar...

So here we are, 12dpo, and nothing but negatives. Using FRER's and everything - not a hint of that elusive second pink line.I'm pretty much crushed. I had thrust so much hope into this cycle I'm practically crumbling under the weight of it all. I know that once Thursday's beta comes and the result is what I've heard time and time again it's going to be funk city, population me, for a good, long time.And just when I thought...

Ten days is a long time

I'd forgotten just how long ten days can be.When you're doing IVF, you can usually do a home test about a week after transfer. So things get broken up and while you're waiting just as long, you can trick yourself into believing otherwise.Not so with an IUI. It's still ten days after the procedure that you can pee on something with any degree of reliability. Oh sure, I could pee now and probably get a positive since it's been...

And now we wait

IUI number two is also on the books. Now, we just wait. Two weeks, and we'll know whether it all worked. Numbers seem to be doing what they're supposed to. E2 dropped a bit to 5,500 which is expected, LH is only 4 which would mean I've surged, and progesterone rose from 7 to 17 which is also a good indication of ovulation. All good.Today saw 20 million spermies at 98% motility injected to the left side of my uterus to join...

One down...

...60 million on the go!So yes, IUI number one is officially on the books. E2 was a lovely 5663 and my LH was 14. Can you believe that? And this was all pre-trigger, not that it impacts LH, but still. I was a happy girl this morning. Looking forward to seeing what tomorrow's numbers are, just for fun.Had a great night out last night with the gals. It was wonderful as always to see Janny and meet her hubby and we had a great...

The time has come! Or is coming, anyway...

It's almost trigger time....wooooohooooo!!!!E2 up to 4849, which is a full 1500 more than this day last cycle. Hells to the yeah baby, I think we've finally found something that actually works for me. No suppression and my body starts to respond.And what's crazier? My LH is 11 today. 11! Naturally! This may not seem like a big deal but to me it's INSANE! My LH has never gone above 4 without a trigger shot, so it's great...

My first 'woot' this cycle

Things appear to be looking up a bit. So, yesterday's E2 numbers were 2203. A 1,000 jump from Friday to Sunday. Not stellar, but at least progress in the right direction.And then, magically, today things got even better. An overnight jump of over 1,100 - we're at 3,319 today. Oh yeah. Sweet relief.What makes me feel even better is that this is officially a higher number than the similar day of our last IVF cycle - and that...

Communications fail

Not really much to say - I have no new information since Friday.Buggah.So yeah, not all that unexpected for yesterday...I had the day off from the clinic and got to sleep in. Twas fabulous. Then I drove into Toronto to pick up Kate's extra Gonal F - total lifesaver - then had a wonderful night in with the girls. We all cleared out around 11 which was good, 'cause I had to be up at 6am to head to the clinic. Goodie.Down I went...

Hangin on

Barely, but we're still in this.Drove down to the clinic today because I knew I was going to have my endometrial biopsy at some point. Perhaps you can imagine how you might feel after having a wire brush inserted through your cervix, then swirled around your uterus to rough it up a bit, all in the hopes of making implantation that much more effective.Yeah, good times. White hot pain. Short, but there. Uncomfortable as hell....

Srsly?

833.Eight hundred and thirty freakin three. That's all my body could pump out today. I want to cry.Trying to stay positive. Trying. It's very hard.Same dosage of Gonal F tonight, then when I'm in for monitoring tomorrow they want to add 150IU of Bravelle to see if that will help. Awesome. More money. Love it. Can't wait. I'm desperately trying to look on the bright side. I haven't stalled, and the number hasn't gone down....

Limbo is my middle name

Seriously, I'm headed down to formally change my name. I spend enough time in limbo, I might as well own it. Make it a formal part of me. Claim it. Run with it.So yes, you guessed it...in limbo once more. E2 today was 673. Fuck.Not low enough to cancel according to Dr. H. who called me himself. Ya know, it's never a good thing when he calls you personally; it just seems ominous. But I suppose it has to do with the fact that...

I wonder if straightjackets come in pink?

Day 5. Another day where nothing happens. Just waiting. And more drug taking. And hoping that there will be a nice spike in my E2 tomorrow.I'm starting to get a really bad - and sadly, really familiar - feeling about all this.I barely know why I hope for the best anymore. My motto in everything has always been 'hope for the best and prepare for the worst', which is insanely appropriate in infertility land. I'm very, very...

Lazy, hazy days of summer

Sweet Jeebus it's hot.And hazy.It's the kind of day where you walk outside and instantly slllooooooow down. The humidity pulls the very fluid out of your lungs and deposits it all over your body as sweat. You feel your brain slowing down too, and instantly turn stoopid.And sadly, I think the heat is getting to my ovaries too, 'cause they seem to be responding like the rest of my body on this hot, hazy day. Just too danged...

Back on the highway tomorrow

So yeah, day three. As I mentioned before, nothing much exciting happens on day three. Whoop.Hubs was working today so I had lunch with my dad, then did some reading. Wild. Told ya.Headache seems to have gone now, thankfully. That Advil did the trick. Only really semi interesting thing to report is that I had some mega painful stabby pains in what I'm assuming is my right ovary last night while lying in bed. I figure it might...

Glass half full

So here we are, day two.Whoopie.Nothing of substance happens on day two. You take your shot, and move on to day three.Or, you remind yourself of all the things you should (or shouldn't) be doing when stimming, and mentally play games with yourself to see which rules to play by, which to bend, and which to out and out break.Take caffeine, for example.I'm not a huge caffeine freak, but I am very seriously impacted by it. Like,...

Look at me, I'm on a horse.

Look at me. Now look at my husband. My poor husband.I'm about to start stims again.I'm getting back on that horse.It's scary as hell.We haven't done a single thing fertility wise since our epic fail IVF cycle last August/September. Nothing. Nada. Sure, I've been taking CoQ10 in insanely high dosages since our review appointment last October in an effort to improve my apparently crap egg quality. That needed at least three...