Monday, September 21, 2009

It's over


So yeah, negative beta today.

I waited forever to get my call and was flipping out. I knew what the result was, but needed to KNOW, ya know? Sigh.

I had one meeting today - one - from 2:30 to 3:30. I usually get called well before 1 with a beta, and by 2pm I was still sitting there, at my desk, waiting for the stinking phone to ring.

I was starving, my blood sugar was crashing, and I couldn't leave my desk in case I missed the call. I finally had to email a colleague and ask him to heat up my lunch for me so I could eat. At my desk.

He finally replied, helped me out, and I could then stuff the roast chicken and potatoes into my gullet. At which point the person I was meeting with showed up - 15 minutes early.

She wandered off to chat with someone else while I continued to suck back the protein. Finally the phone rang at about 2:25 and I got the news I knew was coming, but dreaded anyway.

Negative. Follow up/review appointment booked for October 5.

Fuck.

There's so much going through my head right now, but I don't have the strength to put it all out on to the page today. Maybe sometime soon.

Thanks to all for following along and for the good wishes on the way. It's much appreciated.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Shannon....I am sooo very sorry...."FUCK" is right....I am thinking about you and I am going to keep checking on you....

FWIW......I am sending you tons of peaceful vibes....

2Be

merium on September 21, 2009 at 9:08 PM said...

So sorry Diva, thinking of you....

Brigeypie said...

Such crap.

I'm really sorry - Infertility is the biggest asshole ever.

//hugs\\

Anonymous said...

Diva - I had so been hoping for a positive outcome for you. It really.fucking.sucks. It's not fair and it's just not right. Thinking of you and DH at this time. Sending big, HUGE suffocating hugs your way.

~e on September 22, 2009 at 10:14 AM said...

I am so deeply sorry.

Thinking of you and your DH.

mandylee4christ on September 22, 2009 at 6:47 PM said...

Shannon, there just aren't any words. I am so extremely sorry this didn't work out for you. :(

Anonymous said...

I've been following your story as well and I remember reading somewhere that you think that adoption is not for you..have you thought about surrogacy?

Jen_Trev said...

I'm so sorry DJ =0(

Kelly on September 24, 2009 at 9:39 AM said...

Thinking of you ((((hugs))))

Kate on September 24, 2009 at 4:57 PM said...

Oh man, what shitty news. I'm so sorry to hear it was a BFN. Hopefully you'll get some answers about why you were told to go ahead when stims didn't seem to be going the way they were supposed to (at least according to your E2 response). Ugh. I hope Dr H has a brilliant idea for next time, if and when you gather the money and energy and mental strength to go through this again.

Victoria on September 25, 2009 at 8:46 PM said...

Shannon, I just read your post and want to give you a cyber hug. Sorry.

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