Whut the..

So yeah, that whole me taking cues from the clinic thing? It's still there, but harder than ever to hold on to after today.

E2? 1389. Barely went up by 300 units. Whut the whut? Sigh. It was 3327 at this time last cycle. That's a huge difference.

The people on the weekend (nurses, blood techs, ultrasound techs) are all different, so it's a whole new ball game. They don't know your chart, your veins, your ovaries like the during-the-week people do. But alas, they still convey their messages and today's nurse told me that sometimes this happens and people just shoot up quickly as they go.

Right.

So many disappointments along this road, why should I believe that things will be any different this time?

What makes this super hard was that this, of all things, was one element that I wasn't really concerned about. Progesterone? Sure. Being oversuppressed? Yep, worried about that too. But the progesterone we know how to fix and thanks to the baseline, we knew we weren't oversuppressed. I never dreamed I wouldn't respond in the same way as last cycle.

And here we are, on this slow but steady climb. I just don't have a clue as to whether or not we'll get to our final destination or not. It scares the crap outta me.

On the positive side, I did have some follicle growth today and it looks like those numbers closely mirror what I had last cycle. I can't find the little piece of paper that I wrote my numbers on - not smart! Guess I can get them tomorrow and just update all at once.

I just keep telling myself that tomorrow might be the day that everything spikes - that tomorrow I'll get the news and numbers I want and will breathe a deep and long (if temporary) sigh of relief.

I even went back to my superstitions of cycles past - I re-did my nails in OPI's La Paz-itively Hot. It's a fab bright pink but most importantly, it has the word positive in it. Kinda. Maybe if I can't always be positive, at least my nails will be.

So now it's off to the clinic again tomorrow morning. Yet again my alarm will go off at 5:30, I'll slip into the shower in my semi- conscious state, clean myself, slap on some clothes, and head on down the highway.

Let's just hope Timmy's actually has some decaf ready this time. No, I can't wait five minutes for it while I'm sitting in the drive thru. I gots places to be. A date with a needle and some stirrups.

Please let tomorrow be better.